Thursday, April 16, 2009

Another day in paradise and pirates in my life

Ah, well, here I am at work. I certainly have a whole lot of time to think. That's a good thing. I've been evaluating how this duo thing is going and the compatibility of my fellow musician. When I met him he had a strong work ethic and drive. Now, that we're working together I wonder where it went. I suspect he's growing old and soft. He has a girlfriend (sugar-momma) that staves the urgency of making money. All of a sudden everything can wait. I'm not gonna. After this weekend, I am going to set about booking myself as a solo come what may. I'm tired of his constant flirtation of doing gigs with his old band. Every gig he does with his old band is one he doesn't do with me. I'm tired of being patient. Tired of being tolerant. I have to look out for myself as it's obviious he's not thinking in terms of us as a group, a duo, a combo. He is thinking about what works for him and so, I will, too. He an do what he wants, I have to think for myself. I already have to cancel a gig I booked with my good name simply because now that he's gotten his financial support in hand, he feels it's not worth the trip, work, everything. So, I am taking the cue. i shall do the same. The summer's too short and he's dilly-dallying to the point of aggravation. I'm not made. This is a simple unemotional revelation. I'm not arguing. There is no discussion. I'm weary. EVERYTHING is his way or the highway. That sword cuts both ways. I have been awakened. My eyes are open. So I have written. So it shall be.
Today, I am going to CC for an eye exam and to find out how long I have before I go blind. I have diabetes you see and it is inevitable. I am under treatment again now, but I went for a year without treatment and I fear what damage has occurred in that time....we'll see.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Life can be so strange

Today is one of those days that I just walk around looking at everything in awe. I don't understand how I got to be here. Don't understand why I am beseiged by 'tards. I dunno. I started taking my diabetes meds and they've done something to my brain. I don't feel as happy as I used to. I'm tired all the time. Sad all the time now. Before I was medicated, I was losing weight. I've gained 5 lbs. I dunno. I know this will pass, but it helps to write it out. I'll read it when this has all passed and I'll feel silly for feeling this way, but now, I don't feel so great.
My computer is finally fixed. Now I just need the money to pay for it. My laptop is broken. Need the money for that. Bills are due. Need the money for that. Not that many gigs right now and someone I owe money to (that I fully intend to pay) has lost her mind. and I really don't want to consider her a friend anymore. She's messed up. She's lashed out because I don't have the money. It's a mess. I said some shitty things about her piece of shit BF and the moron forwarded the email to him. I didn't deny what I said. Why should I? Anyway...I have a few more things to do here at work before I can completely digress, so I'll get to them and then come back....laterz