Wednesday, August 30, 2006

One more time with feeling....

Hey there Bloggeroonies! Sorry, I haven't blogged in a few days. I've been preoccupied.

Well, I signed up for the Wellness Program here at the University and I was accepted. Woohoo!

I went to our first introductory meeting Monday and am inspired! I was even assigned the cute-patootie trainer! His name is Zeus and he looks great! I mean, that's what we want, right? Some of the other trainers are fat. Now, before you say, well, so are you! Lemme just say that if I take piano lessons, the teacher better play piano better than me. So, apply that to trainers...if I want to get fit and lose weight, why would I want a trainer with a weight problem? Huh? Answer me that! But, no prob...I got the cutie.

Yesterday, I wanted to make a move in the "Git R Done" direction and after work, went to the Glasscock Fitness and Wellness Center and did a whole 12 minutes on the computerized exercycle. I am so proud. I actually accomplished this! I mentioned to the fit girl behind the counter that Wednesday was my eval and she advised me to drink lotsa water and get a good night's rest. I'm working on the water and well, I slept as good as this insomniac ever sleeps. I can't say I'm ready, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

So, today, a few minutes before I clock out, I'll change into shorts and my Dallas tatoo palour t-shirt and walk briskly to the Wellness Center.

I really want this to work. I have failed so many times. I want this to be the time I succeed. I'm not even setting a weight loss goal...I just want to make this a way of life and reap the benefits. Just do the best I can. That way, whatever I accomplish, it's all good.

So, I shall now go and eat my smelly tuna fish lunch and look forward to my eval with Zeus. Cool name, huh?

I've had such a negative existence for so many months now, I want this to be the positive thing that turns it all around. I will do my part. I'm tired of being mad. Tired of being sad. Tired of hating my existence and letting so many people have control over my life. This is something I can control.

So, hats off to me! I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Thursday August 24, 2006 another busy one

Hey...just a quick nod in to say that we're slammed at work. Unfortunately, at this time of my life, the only computer I have to work on is here at work. My FOUR computers at home just sit there. I don't have a regular phone line at home. I only use a cell phone at this time, so there's no point in hooking up my computers at home.

It's the second day of classes at the University. Procrastinators form long lines at the admissions offices, financial aid, and cashier stations. Not my area tho, my busy, busy time is in about 3 weeks when I start to bill all the agencies for the grants, scholarships, loans, etc. I am busy in billing for past semesters we've not recieved payment for. I'm working on invoices not paid in the Spring, Summer I, and Summer II 2006 terms. Gotta get them all cleared up before the Fall 2006 billing starts.

So, I'm plenty busy myself. I sometimes don't get to blog like I want to. I do make time to check on the job openings in Dallas tho... Things here are OK, but they are not as up to snuff on some of the billing procedures as much as I'd like and I already know if there's a "fall-guy", it will be me. Like my friend Chris usta say, you can be right all the way out the door.

Gawd, I miss her. Life is sure lonely and empty without my best friend. I feel like I don't have anyone I can truly trust to turn to. She was the smartest person I've known beside my mother. I miss her, too. Death sucks when you're left behind to mourn.

Anyway, no need in getting started on that. I'll just start crying and then my eyes will swell up and nothings comes from it anyway.

So, I'll end my break thusly. I'll get back to work. I work til 7pm tonight. Then, like every night this week, I'll drag my ass home to North Beach and collapse in exhaustion. I'm tired this week. Maybe it's a good thing I don't sing this Friday. I'll see if I can hook up one of my computers and burn some of my CDs.

I called about singing at Bayfest. It'll give me something to look forward to. I need to call the Yin Yang Fandango about maybe singing there after it cools down some outside. I refuse to sing outside in August anymore. It's a good way to get totally sick from the heat.

Anyway, it's so nice to see all these bright-eyed enthusiastic students at school. I love the energy they possess. It's amusing to me to see all these unshaven, flip-flop wearing, bushy haired, cut-off shorts surfer dude types. They think it's quite ok to go anywhere bare-footed. The college girls bouncing around the Business Office braless in their halter tops, mini skirts, tanned and also in flip-flops. Sunglasses perched on top of purple hair. This is the Island University, after all.

Ah, to be young again. I don't feel old unless I walk past a mirror.

Okay...there I go again. I'm getting back to work now.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Papi Chulo and Da Boys - My Seahuahuas

This entry mostly serves to introduce - *drumroll*
Papi Chulo! It's too late...he stays. I have fallen in love with dis little boy. There's only a coupla people on the planet that I'd let have him now...
He's fully integrated into my tribe. Take a look at that face! Who could resist.

Here's more pix of Da Boys. My Seahuahuas.

Wednesday August 23, 2006 Busy Day!

Wow...we're busy at work. Today's the first day of classes and the last day they can get 100% refunds on books. So, there's lines at the cashier stations. And...we got lunch bought for us in the business office. That's a cool deal.
Yesterday, I worked my ass off. I did all kindsa work on Excel and just kicked ass. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time I got home. There wasn't much on TV. Talked to my Tia Minnie. Watched House. Watched Outsiders. Man...those people are weird. They did a thing on that alleged killer of Jon Benet and those bigoted twins that sing. That whole thing on White Supremecists really wigs me out. I can't understand the hatred. The whole wanting to keep "your race pure". I say, it's too late and deal with it! Who said any race was pure anyway? Hitler was delusional because of that very fact. What a nut job. This is coming from a Mexican-American with very probable Jewish roots. I'll have to get into that whole thing later one, but I embrace that probability. Oy.

Monday, August 21, 2006

REALLY Bad Mood - Yech!

Wow... I can't believe what a bad mood I'm in. I'm trying to shake it off, but I'm just in a terrible mood. Even tho I haven't snapped at anybody or bit anybody's head off, I just feel like I could. I feel like I could just breath fire if just the wrong words are said to me. I'm gonna try extra hard to lay low and just keep to myself. It's the smartest thing I can do when I feel like this. I don't even know what's brought it on.... it could be that I just hate being here in Corpus SO MUCH. I know I have to be smart and cowboy up and deal with it, but it's very, very hard.
I didn't help that Gomez got a wild hair and peed on my bed. I hate when he does that. It's like a mental defect with that little dog. It may help when I get a proper bed and don't sleep on a futon on the floor. I plan on buying a futon rack...I don't want to buy any furniture when I'm planning to move back to Dallas. I don't want to haul all that much when I finally go. I love my Gomez sooooo much, but he drives me crazy when he does that. He's so threatened by Batman it's insane. well, gotta scoot....more later

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thursday - It's beyond the Surface of the Sun - It's Hell!!!'s sure hot. This is supposed to be the big daddy of hot days. They say it will hit 100 degrees today.

Goldie still has not come home. BlackDawg is beside himself. I tried to spend some time with him last night, but the mosquitos were making a meal of me so I had to come inside.

I tried to watch more Six Feet Under but my poor little DVD player may be just about to die. Kaput. It takes longer now to make it work than to watch the movie.

Looks like the property I live on is for sale again. I saw the signs when I was hanging with the BlackDawg. Oy....I'll deal with that when it happens.

I read online that they are going to start to fix-up North Beach. Drainage. Sidewalks. Figures. I bet they sell my house just about the time it starts to get nice on North Beach. gawd....I can't wait to get back home to Dallas. I want to be smart and get my ducks in a row. I sure I don't have to rush my plan now.

Oy.... anyway, another day of drudgery. I've been crunching numbers ALL DAY. My brains are mush and I have to pee. There will come a point when I MUST break away. Til then I'll just squirm and hold it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Surface of the Sun II

It's another scorcher - 98 Degrees with a heat index of 109 degrees.

It's day number 15 of over 100 degree heat in Dallas.

Maybe I need to live in cool, cool Canada.

081606 Wednesday - Goldie's Gone

When I got home yesterday from work, Goldie was gone. The Black Dawg crawled out from under the house and was visably upset. He'd whine when I asked him where Goldie was. He whined after I fed him. He whined for about 2 hours off and on. It was the most pathetic, sad doggie song I've heard. He loves her so much.
He cried like that for about 2 days after he was "dropped off" at my place. He cried like that after I found Brownie a home. Now he's crying for Goldie. I would introduce him to my other dogs, but BlackDawg's so huge I'm afraid he might hurt them just in play. As for Papi Chulo, I'm afraid when he plays with the other 10 lb boys!
Goldie had a bad leg and was limping when I got home yesterday. She would let me look at it and check out her leg, but I didn't know what to do for her. I was hoping they'd stay close to the house yesterday, but true to their lifestyle, they had left to roam by the time I left for work. She hasn't returned.
The Black Dawg is beside himself. I made him a special doggie plate of Dog Chow mixed with a little can of potted meat. He would lick the potted meat off the top, but finally chowed down and ate the whole bowl of food. I'm hoping he stays close to the house today and doesn't take off looking for Goldie. I'll have to spend some time with him outside tonight and pay him some attention since she's gone.
My Tia Minnie suggested she may have had internal injuries besides the leg. It's possible. I have no idea what happened. I just hope she didn't die under the house. That would create some terrible kinds of problems.
I didn't sleep well. Aside from the BlackDawg situation, I saw a show on ABC called Outsiders. It was awful. They featured this man who thought he had a connection with some bears in Alaska and even managed to live successfully among them for 13 or so summers in the wild of Alaska. Finally, one older, 20 year old bear, eventually killed this man and his girlfriend. The pilot that discovered the bodies described seeing a bare rib-cage and the bear eating beneath, from inside it. When they were attacked, they left their camera running, tho the lenscap was on. It only recorded sound. They described it as the most horrible sounds that would haunt you for the rest of your life.
Lemme tell you...I bearly (ha-ha make that barely) slept all night. Each time I'd fall asleep, I dreamed bears eating out my insides. I couldn't sleep. When I finally did, I overslept and was late to work in the morning. What a horrible thing to have stick in my brain.
So, today, I'll only take a half hour for lunch and leave a half hour later than normal. I wish I'd never seen that show. I hope no kids were watching. I just can't watch anything gory anymore like when I was a kid or younger.
When I worked for CyberRamp, Rocky and I would read the newsgroups. There was one titled something like - binaries.grotesque. and it had videos and pix available of things like when they cut open an alligator and a human body is inside...or a snake or anything like that. Vids of people getting hit by trains and their bodies bouncing off... women with breast cancer who's breasts turned black and fell off... Now...I wouldn't dream of going to that newsgroup. I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Well, it's lunch time. Time for this State Employee to eat my tuna sandwich with my Vegetalls and tortilla chips side. Have yourself a good day and don't watch the gory stuff.... Please say a prayer for Goldie. She's a good dog.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Surface of the Sun - Today in CC

Wow... the weather people say the heat index is going to be 110 degrees today. That's just nuts. I always envision film footage of the red, red sun and flames shooting into space. I bet that's what it looks like here.

Inside Man

starring Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, Willem Dafoe, Clive Owen

Exciting bank heist story. Enjoyed it after I finally got my DVD to work. Wasn't so extraordinary, but a good film. Nothing more, really.

Parents of College Students

Well, they suck when you're in my position at work. I had another call and go off on me because they got a letter (which I didn't even write) stating some funds were exhausted. She never gave me a social security number so I could look it up just angrily asked for my name and how to spell it. Psycho mothers suck big green donkey dicks. I'll probably be written up again for something that is fabricated and that's okay with my bosses because they suck, too.
Oy....I can't wait to leave this job and go home to Dallas.

Outlaw Dogs Return Home

When I got home from work yesterday, there they were. Black Dawg and Goldie. Affectionate, hungry, and thirsty. Goldie has an injury to her right front leg which is making her limp. I can only imagine what those two were up to. When I left for work this morning, they were gone again. They came home to eat, drink, get some cuddles, rest, and were off with the rising sun.

Monday, August 14, 2006 in Buttville.....

Good Morning beautiful people! I hope you're well. I spent a very uneventfull weekend here at home. Just watching the toob....
Sunday morning, the big outside dogs, Goldie and Black Dawg were gone. I hope they turn up today, but their food and water was untouched on the porch. I'm very sad about this. I can't imagine what happened to them, but as trust absolutely no one, it could be anything. Someone may have poisoned them. Shot them. They're on the beach just having fun. Someone gave them a home. They got run over. It could be anything and I'm so weary emotionally, that I just feel defeated and sad. I won't go on and on about it....I'm so tired of being miserable. So tired of being the Bad News Girl.
So, it's another week. I sing at the Crab Shack Friday. Maybe I can work up a coupla tunes.
In the meantime, Papi Chulo becomes more established in my Tribe. His confidence level is better and he's in the mix when I pass out weenies.
I think I have to get him some special food. I think the dog food chunks I feed my boys are too big for his teeny mouth. So, today on the way home, I'll get him some "little dog" food.
That's about it for me. Not too much to say today. I'm trying hard to not be such a downer. I hate that. Still, this latest wave of depression is a tough one to push back.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Making my way back home - to North Texas

Well, I have no future here in South Texas. I don't want a future here in South Texas. So, I am putting my money where my mouth is and am reactivating all my job search engines. Monster, Career Builder, etc. I'm looking for work in North Texas so that hopefully in just a few months, I can leave this hell-hole and go home where I belong. Where my extended family is. Where my friends are. Where my future is. I've never felt so displaced in all my life. The beach is great but it's not enuf to hold me here. I'm looking forward to moving back to civilization. Pray for me, please that something happens sooner rather than later.

Friday - NO Crabshack tonight....

I have my first Friday off since January tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I desparately need to recharge my battery. I plan to watch TV, clean house, cuddle with my seahuahuas. I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't care about much today.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Hurricane Season - Hurricane Allen Anniversary

Oh yea...thanks a whole lot! The newscaster on Channel 3 was mentioning that it was the 20 year anniversary of Hurricane Allen. Then he mentioned that North Beach was 5 feet under water. Thanks a lot. I'm trying not to stress out about hurricane season and am counting down the 6 or so weeks we have left and really didn't need to hear that. He talked about the Holiday Inn on Emerald Beach being under water. I remember all too well how this place becomes inundated. The good thing is I see how they are working on the roads and drainage in North Beach. In fact, my street is closed from the corner to the Causeway Blvd for repairs. Still, hearing the horror of Hurricane Allen did nothing to alleviate how I'm stressing about possible hurricanes.

Catching up on Six Feet Under

Wow...I've been catching up on the 4th Season of Six Feet Under and just got to some unbelievable or rather...some all too believable scenes. I just watched the 3rd DVD in the series. Oh my Gawd. It's the one where David helps a stranded motorist and the crack head takes him on the ride of his life. It was so believable. I was scared the whole time as I could not predict where it was going to end up. This is such a great series. One of the best I've ever seen. I put it right up there with the Sopranos and 24. I'm sad that there will only be 5 years of it. I'm going to savor each of the DVDs. I think the guy that plays David shoulda gotten an Emmy for that episode. I could so totally relate to him. If you've never watched Six Feet Under, you need to start from the beginning from the 1st year. It's great acting, directing, writing...the whole package. I'm so impressed.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Papi Chulo eats weenies for first time in my Tribe

Ha...he was so cute. As a treat, I buy my dogs weenies. I buy 2 packs. One pack for the seahuahuas and one pack for the 2 remaining outside dogs.

The big dogs outside swallow the weenies whole. One big gulp and the weenie is gone.

The seahuahuas get them in smaller pieces. Now, I cut them in thirds and toss them at them. Batman, Bubba, Viggo are really, really good at catching them in the air. Gomez tries, but sometimes can't catch them but is really fast in chasing them down and making sure NOBODY gets his piece of weenie. Now, there's Papi Chulo. I cut his third of a weenie. He has to open mouth so totally wide, so completely open just to be able to grab his 1/3 weenie. It's hilarious. His eyes get so wide! Once he's got a firm grip, he hauls off to some secret place in the house I have yet to find and eats his weenie.

Ah, these are the little joys that make my day. I love to make my seahuahuas happy!

Corpus Sucks Big Green Donkey Dicks

Ho hum.... it's been the usual lately. Except for a few probs at the job. Even those are not totally unexpected.

Last week, my supervisor, let's call him MM, emailed me that we were going to have a meeting about a "complaint" with the Director. The Director put if off til this week so I didn't have a clue what was going. Since I am pretty nice to everybody I deal with here, I was at a loss what it was about.

Long story short, some parent complained about me and emailed the VP of the department. The VP was all put out and even wrote back and apologized. That was foolish in my mind, because I did nothing wrong. Monday, we met with the Director who was just all too vague about this alleged complaint. Everything was done so that I would provide them with a reason for this complaint. They must think I'm pretty stupid. She wanted me to provide a written account of the telephone conversation. Keep in mind that my boss was sitting behind me when this happened and if I'd been ugly to this silly woman, he'd have told me about it right then and there. So, I wrote a 3 page account and emailed it to the Director. I haven't heard anything more about it.

Ho hum.... so yesterday, this Director buys us all BBQ since it's some deadline or another and the other part of my department is in the weeds with lines of people at the cashier's window. Poor them. haha...
So, I go get my plate of BBQ (and it was most delish!!!) and while I'm there, I'm told by the evil wicked stupid women that work there, that I cannot get pie. Not at this time. Okay... I laugh it off. I jokingly tell this woman who got my name wrong one time, hello Norma. She responds, Hello Irma. We giggle, I take my plate and leave. I look up and my co-worker in the deparment is returning with her plate...and her pie. What the? So, I go and get me a slice of pecan pie.

I work very hard...too hard for the rest of the day. I get home and round up my sheets and go to the Kwik wash in Portland. Ah, my glam life.

I pick up a bit around the place, watch some TV and after Leno with Bill Mahar (I love this man!) I turn off the tube and crash.

I come in to work today and there's an email from MM to come see him in his office. Damn...those psychos across the room have said there was an incident. What incident? Well, it seems that FishEye (that's what I call her because she either has a thyroid condition or her contacts are too big for her eyes, she walks around bug-eyed all day , every day) has gone to the Director's office and complained that I had words with them. Again...What the? These psychos that work in the Cashier's office are grating on my last nerve. I have never worked with more ignorant, stupid, backward, dumb people in all my life!!!! They are Barrio Backward and stupid. They make me ashamed of my people. So, I tell MM there was no incident and if the Director wants to talk to me, bring it on. All this for a stinking $9 per hour. man, I gotta get back to Dallas. I hate it here so much. And it's making me drink too many sodas, eat too much of that excellent Tex-Mex food, and lay around too much.

So, MM tells me I should just watch my back and that these morons WILL turn everything I say into something that will get me in trouble. What a pile of shit this is. Welcome to Corpus Christi.

I have had to deal with mostly crappy stuff in Corpus Christi. An excess of stupid people, and excess of fleas, perverts, rapists, and knifings every night on the news, everybody's fat (including me), everything is about food, the pay sucks beyond belief, there are no jobs worth a shit here, and the drivers are beyond bad, neighbors without electricity, neighbors with a $650 water/gas bill and then start stealing water from me, starving puppies, starving dogs, people trying to steal my car, crack/meth heads across the street from me, 14 inches of rain, and the hurrican season isn't even over.

I hate the rat race, but will never complain about it again when I return to Dallas.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Papi Chulo

Well, I guess if you've read my prior blogs, you can appreciate the humor in the fact that I really have FIVE seahuahuas.

Papi Chulo, the little squeaker, the 3-4 lb tiny boy dog, is gonna stay. He fits in with the tribe. He adores me and he's so little he's like a doggie afterthought. I can carry him in a purse if I have to. He likes to ride on my shoulder in the car. He protects me from the evil drive-thru attendant at Whataburger and Taco Bell. He hears sounds that the other 4 don't hear and is quicker on the draw. He sleeps under the covers with me.

He stays.

Sunday, August 6th, 2006 Happy Birthday Rita

Well, I tried to call Rita to wish her a Happy Birthday, but her phone line was busy for hours. I ended up dialing up her cell phone and being forced to leave her a voice mail. Oh well...I guess she didn't want to talk to me.

I mostly slept and was depressed all day today. I feel particularly disconnected. My family has been less than accepting of me. They are using the fact that I have 4 seahuahuas as the lame excuse. They tell me I can't ever live in a nice place while I have 4 dogs. They say it's a "deal-breaker". What the? What Deal? It seems they all talked about it behind my back and brokered some kind of deal to help me. I didn't ask for any help. Yet, it's a deal breaker if I don't give up 2 of my dogs. They want me to give up the very things I love the most. I won't do it and it's become a sick power play with one of my sisters. One sister says she just doesn't understand how I can say I consider them my "children". I just reply that I know she doesn't understand. I just don't have the energy after all I've been thru to explain that they are the ones that are with me day in, day out. That I am alone most of my life and it comforts me to have my dogs with me. None of my sisters have been alone since they got married and had children. I am alone almost all the time.

Our parents died about 30 years ago. I can guarantee you this...they would not like the way my siblings are acting now. I can almost see my mother's green eyes flash and her pointy arched eyebrow almost hit the ceiling. Yet, here we are. They are trying to bully me into giving up my pups. To what end? What they don't realize is that with all the terrible, bad, horrible stuff that's happened to me, when I really didn't want to go on, it was my dogs that kept me focused. No one will love them the way I do. I stick around to make sure they are OK.

I love my dogs. I won't give them up. So, I spent most of the day trying to convince myself that I don't need a family. To hell with them. How dare they? I plan to move back to Dallas and forget I have siblings. They refuse to accept the fact that there was a family in place 6 years before they were born. To them, the only family that mattered is the one that existed once they were born. I have memories of being an only child for 6 years until they were born. Many things happened. My mother sewed all my pretty dresses. I never left the house without my mother doting on my hair, shoes, and dresses. My father made me little desks, drawing eisels, swings, and gave me transister radios. Anyway, I refuse to let them hurt me. If I let them continue to be able to hurt me, who's the crazy one then? Me. They can play their petty games and reject me and exclude me. I won't care. I guess I can continue to be the only child as I was born. I'm having to be that anyway. It won't be any kind of stretch at this point.

Yep. What a bummer. I sleep most of the day and eat out of lonliness and hurt. Weekends sometimes suck. I'll have a purpose tomorrow when I go to work.

Just to rub salt in the wound, I locked myself out of my house when I went to check on the big dogs. My feet got eaten up by fire ants and my neighbor got in thru an unlocked window and let me in. Just icing on the cake, that was.

Second Hand Lions

Starring, Robert Duval, Haley Joel Osment, Michael Caine, Josh Lucas, Kyra Sedgewick

This film was recommended to me by my friend, Chuck. He said he knew I'd love it. I did. It is a wonderful story that took the author 10 years to get made into a movie. Two grumpy old uncles take in a young nephew who had just the worst mother. She would lie to him and mislead him as she would just take off to chase men. What a great story tho. Of course, there were the 5 dogs and the pig that thought he was a dog. There was the old lion they bought from a traveling salesman, and all the adventures of the 2 old guys. It's a wonderful story that's good for the whole family. Many good lessons on honor, integrity, and just living life to it's fullest. See it. It's great.

Griselda and Mike's Wedding

Saturday, as I was still emotionally realing from the Crab Shack bomb, I forced myself to get up around noona and shower and get dressed for the 3pm wedding. It was hard. It was the last thing I felt like doing. I managed to leave the house at 2pm and tried to get something to drink at a drive-thru to clear the cob webs from my throat. I had sung for 4 hours the night before. It doesn't come without a price.
They took FOREVER at the Sonic drive-thru on Ayers and I got to the Solid Rock at about 2:30pm. I said I'd be there at 2pm. I was late. Nevertheless, when I got there, they had an elaborate, wonderful sound system so that all I had to out-load was my songbook rolly suitcase, my gear box, my tote bag, and my guitar. I was ready to go at 2:55pm. The bride's parents didn't walk down the aisle til 3:25pm. That was my cue to sing "Our House" by CSNY. Luckily, it went off without a hitch and I think I did a pretty good job. I sat thru the ceremony. It was a Latino wedding so they did the aras and laso thing. When they removed the laso and went to both light a candle, that was my cue to do "From this Moment" by Shania Twain. Again, it went off smoothly and I don't recall making any errors. Whew! Weddings are so tricky because any mistake is a mistake they will remember for the rest of their lives.
After the wedding was over, I packed up and as quickly, quietly as I could snuck off after getting paid and left. It was too hot to want to do anything and I was still numb from the Crab Shack Bomb to be very sociable. It was a lovely traditional wedding and the little kids - flower girl and ring bearer were adorable. The bride was beautiful in a lovely sleeveless wedding dress. It was a lovely wedding all things considered. I am grateful I got to do it.

Friday August 4, 2006 Joe's Crab Shack

The road goes on forever. The party never ends. (Robert Earl Keen)

Well, I was having a decent night at the Crab Shack even tho I still felt kinda weak and tired. I even was smart enuf to take a fan this time so that I wouldn't wilt.

Halfway thru, Greg, the GM, took me aside. I thought was gonna be fired. I was halfway fired. They've decided they need more variety and have booked a duo for every other Friday. I saw this coming. There are factions there at the restaurant who are consumed with being "cool" and since I cater to families a whole lot, I am not so "cool" in there eyes. These are mostly "young-ish" types who constantly make a joke of me when they ask me to "rock out". Never mind that when I do cater to families, it's because the dining room is FILLED WITH FAMILIES. I focus on the majority which sometimes excludes the people sitting at the bar who come in to get drunk, pick someone up, etc. Somehow, they convinced the GM that they needed more variety.

That's okay. I'm not saying this reduction is a bad thing. I could use a little break. I haven't had a Friday off since January. And like they say ad nauseum - one door closes, another opens. We'll see. I'm refuse at this point to ascribe any positive or negative aspects to it at this point in time.

Greg, the GM, said - "I understand if you want to get angry". Actually, getting angry would the be dumbest thing I could do. I just don't think they can get anybody that can cater to families, the bar people, old people, hippies, cowboys, Latinos, and almost anybody in between, the way that I can. So, I'll just play it cool for now. Besides, I may want Greg to put in a good word for me at Landry's or the other Crab Shacks and how would getting pissed off help me there. So, I, as gracefully as I could, agreed and tried to keep smiling for the rest of the night. But don't think I'm not worried about the financial ramifications. Just as I'm starting to just settle down and not have to freak about the money after all I've been thru, I have to find a way to make it up. I buy gas and food on my Crab Shack money, so it is painful in that way.

During my break I call my Corpus sister to tell her what's happened and she tells me they're going to Houston tomorrow. Houston? Well, it seems my Houston sister is throwing a big bash for the twins. Oh? I didn't know I thing about it. And true to my Corpus sister, the bullshit starts to rain from the heavens. "Well, she doesn't have your address. I don't have your address." She has my phone number. She has your phone number. "Well, I'm sure it's just an oversight." That doesn't make it better. That doesn't make me feel any better to know I'm just an oversight in their eyes. How do you forget a sister. It was intentional and why try to convince me that it was anything else. It's like they think I'm so stupid I'll just believe anything they say. As if. So, I let it go. I just don't care anymore. I'm tired of letting them hurt me. Could today suck any harder?

I go back and have to sing for another hour. I want to cry, but have to make sure everybody has a GOOD TIME. I just want to die. I feel so unwanted but I have to sing like it was 1999. Party time. Smiles for the families, old couples, and young lovers. Uh-huh.

We'll see what the future brings.

August 3, 2006 Thursday - Something Good, Something Bad

This is the shy Brownie. Vaya con Dios, perrita.

Well, last night was such a night of mixed emotions.

Last night, Brownie went to her new home. Adam, a chef at Joe's Crab Shack said he always wanted a chocolate lab but just couldn't see how he's ever come up with the fee for such a fabulous dog. He saw my ad "Free to a Good Home" and jumped on it. We waited until he had a day off and he came over the Harbor Bridge to claim her. Minutes earlier, I'd taken some doggie biscuits out to the big dogs - Black Dawg, Goldie, and Brownie. They just love those Old Roy biscuits from Walmart I get for $1.82. They polished off the whole bag! For a few days earlier, I'd been working on warming up Brownie. She was mistrustful of me. Prolly cuz she can hear me yelling at the seahuahuas inside the house. The Seahuahuas don't pay attention to anything I say unless I sound like I mean it. So, I'd been trying to gain her trust with weenies and biscuits. So, that night, as I slipped a biscuit in her mouth, I slipped a leash over her head. She only fought it for a moment and then went limp. I sat on the porch steps as she laid her big old head on my lap. I talked to her and stroked her head, neck, neck and body. I whispered sweet nothings like, "You're a good girl. You're going to a home you deserve where they will feed you well and love you. You'll have a little boy to play with. You're such a good girl. You're a lucky doggie now. You're had you're heart broken by those awful people, but that will never happen again." It was almost as if she understood what I was saying. When Adam got there he explained that his wife's mom ran a "no-kill" shelter in Lockhart. I couldn't have handpicked a better home. It's like MY prayers were answered. He picked her up gently and placed her inside the pick-up next to his little boy. I walked to my porch and noticed that the Black Dawg was staring at the pick-up. Black Dawg adores Brownie. Really loves her. He just stared as Adam drove off with Black Dawg's precious Brownie. Luckily, Goldie was around to amuse, entertain, and lead Black Dawg. Now, I just need to find a home for Goldie.

I was very happy and pleased that a home was found for such a good dog. I went to bed tired but very happy. Happier than I'd been in quite a while. It was good to see something good actually happening. And then, during Leno, I turned off the lights and TV and went to sleep. It wasn't long after that that I was awoken by the sudden stillness. No lights, air conditioning, anything. Damn. It was 11:15pm. For the rest of the night, I perspired, hell, I sweated like I hadn't in a long time. Around midnight, I went to get something cold to drink at the North Beach Whataburger. I sat in the car for a long, long time in the AC. I looked in the rear view during this time and saw the transformer blow. It was a very, very bright, electric blue glow and then BANG! All went dark and silent again. Sometime soon after, I went back inside and started the hourly ritual of showering in cold water. I couldn't open the windows because of the mosquitos and the fact that it's not the safest part of town. I was panting heavily along with my seahuahuas. It was horrible. I cried. I felt sick. I kept calling every coupla hours to see what the status was and every time I called they gave me a new ETA. Finally, as the sun was coming up and I was completely sick, I called and they gave me an ETA of 8am. I didn't believe them, but could hear the CPL workers talking on their walk-talkie radios until finally, gratefully, the power came on at 8:30am. I collapsed on my futon and it had been so hot in there that when my AC said it was 86 degress inside, it felt good. I passed out all day. I felt sick all day. I couldn't drink enuf water or sodas. Even the next day I felt sick and weak. I appreciate my electricity. I appreciate those CPL workers who worked all night long to make it work again. Everything smelled of sweat and was damp. My bedding, my clothes, my hair. It was just awful.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Wednesday July 26, 2006

What a non-descript day. I'm at work listening to KCRW. Downloading music and listening to the Gorillaz. I did a buttload of laundry last night. Plan on a quiet night of movies, TV, and chihuahuas. Cooking up some chicken wings. I'm grateful for the peace and quiet. Someone tried to steal my car again last night. I guess the dogs disuaded them. Gotta love the big dogs.

Pelican's Rock My World

Yesterday, as I drove home from Portland after doing about 6 loads of laundry, I spotted a Brown Pelican in the air. As I drove past at about 55 mph, he was riding a wind current. He appeared to me to be stationary and floating on a current. Then, he did the most amazing thing...he completely turned around about 180 degrees and ended up facing the other direction while still riding the wind current. He didn't flap his wings once. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen a bird do. I love Pelicans. They Rock My World.

March of the Penguins

Narrated by Morgan Freeman, Warner Brothers

I loved it! I was filled with so much respect and awe for those flightless birds. At the beginning they call it a story of love. I was so impressed how they trade off on "egg duties". They way they court each other was touching and gentle and so romantic! It's one of the most romantic things I think I've ever seen. The males go for about 4 months without eating a thing as they protect, nurture, and carry the egg in the deepest of deepest winters on Antarctica. It is a documentaty of nature at it's cruelest and at it's most gentle. I haven't even finished watching it. I will finish it tonight. Morgan Freeman does an exquisite job narrating. The music is so beautiful. Moving and lushly orchestrated. It's kind of new-age-y, and fits the film perfectly. This is a film the whole family can watch with no fear of having to explain anything inappropriate to the kiddos. Buy it, rent it, but whatever you do, don't deny yourself the experience of the March of the Penguins.